Leah’s Pain Leah’s Gain

 

Life is terribly unpredictable.  Don’t you agree?  We come into this world with a clean slate. Nothing written on any page. Feelings of expectation, wonder and  amazement circling inside. If surrounded by friends, family, and relatives where this vision is not only understood, but encouraged, the life we walk out can be filled with  beauty and joy.

What if that is not the case? What if as the years begin to form in front of you, life takes turns in ways  you didn’t expect? Circumstances happen you do not ask for.

Walk a bit with Leah from the Old Testament.

Widowed Laban is a shepherd with two daughters,  Dull-eyed Leah and Drop Dead Gorgeous Rachel. Of course Laban welcomes Jacob into their family with open arms. A kinsman, strong, hard working, and completely taken with Rachel, the youngest.  Laban knows he gains a great prize with Jacob as a laborer and son-in-law. One day as the sheep are grazing,  Laban’s brown eyes scans the horizon. His hand strokes the graying beard as he ponders how to solve a dilemma.

   I have two daughters. Jacob is taken with my youngest, but the law requires the eldest wed first. Laban snaps his fingers as an idea pops into his head.   That’s it.  That is exactly what  I will do.

Very pleased with himself, Laban returns to his sheep as the sun is departing  the sky.

After seven years of hard service the chosen day arrives. The celebration is beyond expectations. The wine flows freely. Men slap one another heartily on the back, shouting salutations for Jacob and his bride. Laban’s voice booms over everyone.  Jacob drinks with no limits looking forward to spending an intense wedding week with the love of his life.

Finally, in a  drunken stupor the men make their way to the special tent. Swaying and singing loudly Laban and Jacob lean on each other. Other men from the party assist these two making sure Jacob makes it to his destination. Pushing back the heavy drapes of the opening,   Jacob’s blurry eyes behold his intended.

Shyly waiting for her husband is a woman, completely hidden beneath  her beautiful wedding attire. Modesty and custom requires her entire body  covered until the couple are fully husband and wife.

A halfhearted  blessing from the inebriated father gives the official permission for the matrimonial ceremony to begin. Laban swaggers from the tent.  The consummation takes place.  Jacob turns over pleased. Exhausted  from too much wine, he quickly falls asleep. Leah weeps softly into the pillows while Jacob snore.

The sun rises. A beautiful day begins. Fluffy clouds float across the sky. Faint sounds  of bleating sheep heading to the hillside for food and drink can be heard.   Jacob stretches, turning slowly  expecting to look into the deep brown eyes of Rachel.  Instead, the milky complexion and watery eyes of Leah meets his surprised glare.  Jacob grabs his tunic, angrily leaving the tent in search of Laban.
Empty of heart and mind,  Leah sits up . The look of utter disappointment on  Jacob’s face  discovering last night’s companion is not the delight of his life but rather the dull eyed Leah tears her apart. Rejection, fear of being hated, Pain.

Leah views the remains of what took place the night before. Normally, ruffled sheets the morning after a wedding night bring a smile or at least a giggle. To Leah  misery, thoughts of deceit and being used are all she sees. Leah feels pain. Her response is normal Leah. She ex changes her wedding clothes for a work tunic to tidy up the tent.
LABAN”, Jacob roars  as he sweeps through the camp. The entire hillside hears this booming voice. “We NEED TO TALK- NOW”.
The verbal explosion causes Jacob to remember the amount of wine he had the previous evening as he grabs his aching head.

Laban solves his “problem” by deceiving  Jacob into marrying Leah first following the seven years of work.  After concluding the required wedding week ceremony, Jacob could marry Rachel. Laban’s stipulation is another seven years of service from Jacob. Everyone wins . Laban gets seven more years of work from Jacob.  Jacob marries Rachel anyway.  Rachel gets married to the man she loves.

 

Wait a minute!!! Everyone wins?  What about Leah?  Leah really loves Jacob. Isn’t she worth his love? It  is not her fault she was born below par compared to her sister. It was not her fault her own father uses deception to gain labor from Jacob just to get her married off.

With the pain of rejection, comparison, use in deception, Leah probably wondered what the value of her life could be in the first place.?

Have you ever felt everything in the world so unjust that you cried out to God : PLEASE, CHANGE MY LIFE! CHANGE ME!!!

Does it seem as though God completely forgot about this woman? Do you think He has forgotten about you?

No-God has created all of us with a wonderful purpose in mind.

My next blog will answer  how Leah’s hopes and dreams were answered.

What the world labels “imperfection” comes perfection.

Feel free to leave a comment.

 

 

 

 

Walking Through the Door

At the end of July, I turn sixty-one!!!!.

For me that is a scary proposal. Walking through doors that have never been opened  before. Yes  at times, it causes  a bit of anxiety. ( Senior citizen labels come upon me as I can now qualify for certain discounts. My last child graduated from high school.  No turning back from this stage.) I have gone from working and  unmarried to married and working to married and being a stay at home mom. This final stage has lasted the last 18 years.  As I mentioned before, that job filled my life with ride-sharing to school, making lunches, co-coordinating school schedules for two students.  Helping memorize speeches for contests, going to basketball games etc.  Still being a part of my daughter’s life as she went to college here in Duluth and watching her graduate.  Now my son has graduated from high school and my daughter is in Sicily.

I am looking at my present story through a fog or mist asking a question: What do you want me to do now Lord?

I have days where the air is clear and mind has free direction. My days are basically empty of the aforementioned requirements so therefore I can fly to new heights of adventures.

Suddenly, I crash to the reality of barriers and questions that surround me. The free time can look as much as a fearful space to fill in a positive manner or an abundant gift and blessing .

Creativity and Worship
I am seeking the expression of “me”. I have been  surrounded in raising children for such a long time that this sudden freedom at my age, is internally and mentally challenging.  Ladies I know I am not the only one who experiences  searching a deeper expression of themselves and God in their walk.
I will go back to the previous question. What is causing the barrier for me?
FEAR~~~~~ Fear to step out and take risks. Fear to give myself permission to do what it takes to express and experience the depth, breadth and width of what it takes to walk through this door.
There are possibly some reasonable cautions that stop me at the door. My mind is not as quick. I am not driving as much as I use to so transportation is a challenge to overcome. Exciting adventures to others  have small but physical challenges to me. Not so much fun anymore.
When I was younger, looking the fool was not so terrible. I would laugh. Now it is hard for me to try new things in the fear of  failure.  Having grace for myself has somehow slipped away.
If I have trouble having grace for myself, will others have grace for me, or will I see disgust or worse —pity?  I am not that old.
My daughter Anna is receiving and giving a great life lesson. She is in Sicily working with an organization called OneHope /Cultivate.

Preconceptions she had concerning her ministry are getting revamped. Anna was willing to take a risk. From her risk taking and willingness to learn, others are receiving abundant gifts of love.  (https://acker197.wordpress.com/2015/07/01/weeks-three-four-muffins-details-conversations)
Am I willing to take the risks open to me now?
Fear rears its head to point out what I cannot do. Fear comes out to say I do not have the ability, money, mental capacity needed to explore the  creative ventures I want to pursue. It is beyond me. Give up.
After I am quiet,  and  tears are shed,  I listen to the still small voice in my head that calls to the deeper desire in my heart to express what is inside. I look to what can be done.

 Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

The days I walk in the mist are filled with tears. God does not leave me. His hand is always taking mine. At times we stand still and He just holds me because I do not know where to move.  That is OK. I smile at the patience He has with me.
The encouragement that I want to leave today is:  do not stop dreaming- take your medium. Release from the depths, the freedom of His life you have been given. Take classes and study to get better knowledge of your creative tools. Do not allow your fear to define you.  Do not allow the outside to put barriers on you. (age, fear, negativity, time, preconceptions ). Seek what God wants to say as He draws it out. Worship!!!
Join me in this process of exploration and discovery (writing, creating, photography, worship, being).

If you are at this stage of discovery, feel free to share a comment on how you have learned to walk through the door. If you can identify in any way,  express a piece of encouragement or post a question.   🙂
Bless Him. Keep Creating.