5 He came to save us. It’s not that we earned it by doing good works or righteous deeds; He came because He is merciful. He brought us out of our old ways of living to a new beginning through the washing of regeneration; and He made us completely new through the Holy Spirit, 6 who was poured out in abundance through Jesus the Anointed, our Savior.Titus 3:5-6 Voice
Where do you go when the “insecurity imps” start their little tap dance on your creative juices? Do you begin to wonder- “am I really cut out for this?”
Or, are you one of those types who are so confident in who you are, what you are doing, no matter what the outside conditions? You march forward against all odds. I am not criticizing if this is your bent. I say Bless you!
I am not one of those creatures. I do claim I am a NEW CREATION in Christ and I am honest to state I face a “fear” battle on a regular basis. This is not fun. I love writing, love creating, love the combination of photography with words. I really can’t see expressing in another fashion right now. This is my explosive release of God’s Heart and Joy that He shares with me. Can I say no to this? ——
At times it is an intense emotional battle just to keep going. I need to make the decision to continue putting one creative step in front of the other. The inner fear is real. The battle is real.
Is the battle wrong? Does it mean I am wrong to continue? Is this God’s voice saying I am in the wrong activity because I have emotional challenges? Would a person who is battling cancer be considered doing something wrong? I think not. How are these two situations the same you ask? The person with cancer did not ask for this sickness. She does have a choice how to deal with the emotional challenges that will attack her as she is walking this path. It is not easy but she can turn to God to give her the strength to see life through His Lens.
I recognize I have a strong emotional reaction to situations. I personally did not ask for the strong negative emotional battle. Am I wrong because I am experiencing these emotions while I am creating? My choice is see what is happening on this path and ask God to give to give me strength to see the situation through His Lens.
Naming the triggers or recognizing when the anxiety is starting to attack is something I am VERY SLOWLY becoming more aware of. Slowing Down and Breathing, may make the difference between a peaceful acceptance of recognizing who I am as a Daughter of the King or wanting to throw in the towel. I need to deeply take this in, not only hear it on the surface and just agree with the words.
I was prepared. My written piece was ready for the workshop. This was not the first time I had something of mine critiqued. I felt confident in what I was sharing and was willing to receive any comments (positive or negative) on how it could be improved. The presentation went well. The interaction was good.
It was on the way home where my triggers kicked in:
Negative emotions – shame, comparison, doubt flooded my heart. The workshop itself was a positive experience, but in the car , I was either tossing around in my mind only negative comments or analyzing the comments through a negative filter. My brain turned off and my Type 4’s Type 2, high strung, “needing to please everyone” emotions took over. ( Taken from Enneagram information 1). I got home and was miserable.☹
I wanted hide under a blanket. I declared this post to be a nonredeemable piece and I am not a writer. (Of course no one in the group really said that.)
Fear and insecurity cocked it’s head, waved it’s finger and claimed I had no rights to say I am creative.
If I were to stay there under that blanket, who wins?
Certainly not God. Certainly not the One who created me to be His Masterpiece.
Whether it is celebrating while doing laundry or rejoicing in His promises as I color or write, I am made to go forward in worship and creating.
When you spend time with the Father, and express His heart, but the response does not come out as you had hoped, you need to recognize what is going on inside. There may be pain. There is a battle going on. God has given you a gift to share. God has given you His heart.
Allow yourself to stand beneath the warm water of His love. The gentle flow of the water will wash the sticky ickies off your body.
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.Romans 8:26 MSG
Enjoy the gifts He has given to you. Be free to share His Heart. Be honest as you walk this path of worship and creativity.
1 Great book to check on the Enneagram THE ROAD BACK TO YOU, by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile https://www.amazon.com/Road-Back-You-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0830846190