Worship, Create, Dream

Be free to Worship God. Create with abandonement because He is the Creator. Let's discover our Dreams together.


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WILL YOU TRUST ME?

 

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WILL YOU TRUST ME?

This a question most born again Christians want to automatically answer with a resounding:

OF COURSE!

 

A war battling inside and out may cause a tremendous tug on our body, soul  and mind making that inquiry loom to the heights of  Mt. Everest. If you cannot look anyone in the eye for fear of breaking into tears, the isolation takes the mountain and multiplies it many times the size it was before.

 

How often do we even acknowledge this internal agony bearing down inside and around us? If you have read my previous  blogs, you know comparison is a bully, trying to tear down the joy of who I am in Jesus. This ugly cloaked  beast recently uncovered itself and attacked.  The pain was ……
I recently returned from an exciting, challenging road trip with my daughter.  This post deals with the inner war that took place shortly after coming home.  I share  this experience with you for one purpose. To encourage all believers who “walk through the valley of the shadow of  death”.

How did it happen? I can’t say. I can point to words I heard. They pulled at my insides until finally I snapped. It wasn’t just the words though. I started to add “this to that”, “what I do and don’t do”, “what I can and cannot do”

I was in darkness. I saw no future. I felt pain from my past. My birthday coming in a few days simply added to the feelings “I am so useless”.

 

I can point to the main lying phrase which caused my breathing to come in small, short, stints:

“You are not good enough” !

I stayed  in our library,  using box after box of tissues, wondering why I was in such torment. At that point,  I firmly decided I would not be leaving  the house the rest of that weekend,  other than as a silent passenger in the car  Anything else was beyond my capabilities.

I questioned:  Am I going to be this way for the rest of my life?

 

In the midst of this confusion,  I sensed a soft gentle breeze.  God’s presence. Not an “I AM WITH YOU”,  overly loud voice from the scriptures.  Rather a soft whisper, “i am with you and i will never leave you.”
I experienced a respect-filled love from my God, my Papa. I felt His compassionate Presence very close to me. He could have taken my hand,  but I was too bruised to be touched. Every once in awhile, I felt a slight touch which made me aware of His love and presence. The Creator knew my needs.  He was never intrusive, never invasive.

Sunday morning brought a sliver of possibly riding in the car to church.  My husband and son were volunteering for the first service.  Still not wanting to talk to anyone, I would wait in the car til the second service.   My husband left the keys to our car and suggested if I decided I was ready to go at all, I could drive and meet them for the second one.

I did not feel as though God was expecting anything. He was not saying “You can do all things because of who you are in Me.”  Rather the gentle love extended to me was a hand knowing my needs saying:

“I think We can do this. Will you trust me?”

 

I did not feel shame or pushed. I did not feel as though it was something I “should” do. I truly felt the choice was mine. Even though that was the case:

I was not doing this by myself. I did not walk alone.

 

I (We) got behind the wheel. I (We) drove to church. I (We) walked through the doors.

 

Little by little God has taken my hand. I presently see life through a different lens.

The questions, pain and emptiness which erupted over that weekend have not been totally answered or dealt with. 😕  They are just not screaming louder than God’s love for me. Right now I can breathe.

I would like to give you the gift God gave to me. His wonderful love allowed me to walk through the weekend without expectations how I was to perform. I was ugly. I was not pleasant. I needed to be alone. God did not leave me. His touch was unique to my need.

 

We are all very unique. With that in mind, how do now I approach the attack:

   YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH?

Is that even a statement  to consider?   God gave His Son for me.  In receiving this precious gift, the relation between God and me is totally free to be everything it was meant to be. In Jesus, I am free to love, free to create, free to worship, free to live as God created me to be.

God gently takes my hand into His. We will walk the path where He leads me.

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Reach out  and take God’s hand. Where is He leading you? Will you trust Him?

What can I say

It is not always easy to walk this path, but God is not calling us to walk it alone. He is always with us even when the feelings are not there. Be honest.  If you have questions or comments, come and share them with me. We are on this path together.

Be

Free

To

Worship

As

You

Were

Created!


1 Comment

Contentment

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Cousins enjoying the Lake

Contentment=1. a state of happiness and satisfaction

I would like you to come on a walk with me. What is Contentment? A dictionary definition is the one above. In the Bible Paul stated in Phil 4:11-13 “ I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”. NIV   Is it possible?

I know the last thing you want to read is anything dealing  with winter, cold or Christmas. (School supplies lists are posted in the stores already. This will challenge the sweet contentment of our youth. 🙂 )IMG_1594
Picture if you will a scene from the movie – A CHRISTMAS CAROL starring George C. Scott. Christmas Day, a small crowded room filled with the large Cratchit family surrounding a wooden table.
Bob Cratchit is holding his cup high into the air asking the family to make a toast to honor Mr. Scrooge. There is no malice, anger or contempt in his voice. The terrible work conditions Mr. Cratchit is forced to put up with, low wages and absence of respect warrant no such tribute.IMG_1697
Mrs. Cratchit on the other hand has small gratification in the same situation. In the movie, she is quite obvious in her disdain for Mr. Scrooge. She sees him as tight fisted and stingy. She would give him a piece of her mind if he were standing there in person. She knows her husband works hard, but does not receive his proper due.

Why the opposite response?

Not knowing the tic-toc in either person’s head I cannot say for sure.  Looking at an article entitled,THE SECRET OF CONTENTMENT , from the Current Magazine ( our church publication),  I envisioned  Mr. Cratchit walking  to Scrooge and Marley’s Accounting Office everyday holding God’s hand. If the reality in Mr. Cratchit’s heart knows God is saying to him –“I will never leave you, never will I forsake you,” an honest and sincere toast can be made to Mr. Scrooge, with no strings attached.  Mr. Crachit knows God is right with him. Mr. Cratchit is content.
Mrs. Cratchit is not a bad sort. In fact, truth be told, she handles life quite well. This woman is trying to keep the family running smoothly with the little funds they have. She sees her husband treated unjustly and to top it all off, the youngest child is sick with no extra money for proper care.
Blaming Mr. Scrooge for the lack of food when it would be in his power for a higher wage is understandable. (Don’t ignore your feelings). Having contempt for this man would be easy. Imagine the daily fear of  one wrong step could move them closer to the poor house. (don’t say everything is OK when it is not OK.)

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Even if Mrs. Cratchit had a relationship with  Jesus, possibly she lives as though she is totally responsible to hold everything together.  When a person is suffering, but blames others, is angry and holds a grudge, huge barriers are sometimes  constructed making it difficult to envision how God can meet the needs.

Come back to summer in Duluth, MN.

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Can you see yourself walking as either one of these characters? .
I see myself as both. At times my hand is inside of God’s, my eye’s look into His and everything is at peace, filled with contentment. I know He has my back in the situation that I am going through even though it is  new and not easy.

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At other times because I am not perfect, I choose another path. If you have read any of my previous blogs, contentment has eluded me.  I may not blame, but in weariness, lack of control,  fear, and feeling responsible to keep it together, I am not content.
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God is gentle. He loves me. He opens doors to reflect how my choices are affecting me. He will touch me through the Bible, articles, friends, or He uses His still quiet voice to woo me to a place of contentment.  (happiness and peace)

The secret of contentment for me is a continuous journey. Contentment is never out of reach but always growing deeper as I allow Jesus to love me deeper.     Feel free to share your walk with me on contentment. It is not easy but we are not alone.

glory of the Lord