Worship, Create, Dream

Be free to Worship God. Create with abandonement because He is the Creator. Let's discover our Dreams together.

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The enemy of our soul reaches into the  areas where loss has occurred, either recently or in the past.   No reverence, never caring,  barreling through grabbing deep to rob previously enjoyed peace.


A few moments before the painful occurrence smacks you in the face, you were simply living life. Possibly playing freely with wild abandonment or walking peacefully in your safe gentle world. It doesn’t matter. We live in a world where there is no preset preparation for what lies ahead.


Recently, a woman at church shared how she and her husband were joyfully expecting the birth of their second child.  Everything was going well. They went on a planned vacation before the joy of life with two little ones would begin.  During the vacation at the start of the second trimester things went horribly wrong.   Without warning, a fun filled vacation day beginning as any other, ended in an unexpected trip to the hospital and tragic news concerning their unborn child.


How does one respond to unexpected news of this sort dumped into one’s story?  Isn’t someone in charge of protecting good people? Couldn’t God keep this little wanted unborn child thriving inside.? The pain was intense. Why did it happen?


It has been a year since the Charleston S.C. Church Massacre (June 17, 2015).  Dylann Roof was warmly welcomed into a bible study at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church that fatal evening.  He entered the building with a bible and a hidden .45 -caliber handgun. The people who left their homes for the study never imagined the evening would bring such horror.   Tragically, nine lives ended that night.


How can friends and families respond to that kind of piercing pain? Many doors suddenly closed affecting the stories of this community.  The pain was intense. Why did it happen?


Many years ago, my life was swept up in the joy of worship through vocal expression. I truly enjoyed conveying my love to God and sharing His heart with people in this fashion.  It wasn’t huge, but it gave me great joy.  Suddenly and without warning, that door was unexpectedly closed.


This delightful aspect of sharing my love, my worship was no longer needed. The door was shut. The pain was intense. Why did it happen?


All three incidents were gut wrenching experiences.

The death of a dream

The death of a loved, wanted, unborn child

The senseless deaths of loved ones


Where does one’s heart go in this pain? How does one handle the sudden jolt of waking up one morning to a brand new day in joy only to be thrown into sudden turbulence and death?  The easy slide leans to anger, grief, and pain possibly ending in HATE!


Hate Toward Life

Hate Toward the Gunman

Hate Toward GOD

Is this how it played out in the lives of these people?

In all three incidents, the relationship these people had with Jesus was their solid factor.

I am not saying the pain automatically went away with a few simple words. That would be absurd. I am saying the Son of God chose to walk through the pain with us as we were willing to recognize our need for Him. He saw our insides being bounced around as a tiny boat dashed to and fro against the waves. He not only saw our boat, from afar, He climbed inside with us so we were not alone.IMG_2267

The ones left behind from the Charleston community read the  in their bible many times to “FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES.”  It was  not automatic. Their coming holidays would be far different than before.  Jesus chose to go to that dark place of pain and walk with them. He wept.

At times, when I no longer was on the worship team and worship songs I once lead were used I wept.  It was painful. I could not understand the choice. Jesus chose to go to that dark pain and walk with me. He wept.

The parents needed to deal with the reality of their painful loss. There was no reason or why.   Jesus chose to go to that dark pain and walk with them. He wept.


Jesus not only reaches out His hand to walk through the pain with us. He chose to weep with us. He is the Vast Comforter completely surrounding us. Jesus is the only one who is able to engage with us as He leads us to the peaceful stream.IMG_0169


After the death of His good friend Lazarus, Jesus was pained, He was troubled. He joined Mary and Martha in their pain. Jesus Wept!  (John 11: 33-35).

John 11:33-35New International Version (NIV)

 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

                                                                35 Jesus wept


Don’t fear waking in the morning. The sky will be blue. The trees will be green. Flowers bloom. This post is not written to make you paranoid of what lies ahead so you are afraid to get out of bed.  It is written to show that we truly have one who chooses to know the intense pain we will go through. All pain.  If you want to open your heart to God in the pain, the size, big or small, is of no consequence. Jesus, the SON OF GOD,  wraps His arms around you.  You are not alone.  Just as Jesus wept with Mary and Martha, He saw their need and brought life. Jesus will weep with you, and bring the life you need.


If you have comments or questions, please feel free to leave them. We can all feel alone. Jesus is always willing to negate that lie if we are willing to bring it to Him. We are on this journey together.

Thanks to the woman who gave me permission to use her story in this blog. Her strength will hopefully be a door to others in dealing with pain.

The facts concerning the occurrence at the Charleston Emanuel AME Church were obtained from an article: THE LONG ROAD TO FORGIVENESS (AARP  Bulletin/Real Possibilities June 2016).

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IMG_0481Ideas/Thots toward my lasts posts about DOES GOD LOVE THE GOOD GIRL?

Are you the prodigal son or daughter?

Do you identify with Sidney or with Sara?

The “wild girl” seems obvious.   The damage caused to self and others may be  physical, a sickness,  pregnancy, addictions,  or hard earned money now gone forever.  An ugly problem comes up   with possible negative side-effects which need to be dealt with.

The “good girl” reflects one who obeys and appreciates the rules set before her. Does anyone  want her to change? It seems to benefit everyone. Family, society, church. If she keeps the rules, everyone will be happy. Right.?


Without grace both girls look into the mirror only to see the reflection of an empty soul.

Neither one allows herself to walk in the Grace-Filled life God wants to sweep over her. Decisions need to be made. Sidney made that decision. She came home.  Sara,  like many “good girls” was unaware a decision even needs to be made.

What does this mean in my life?   IN  your life?

I grew up in a family where I was the “Good Girl”. I don’t blame anyone. It was what it was. I took the road the most comfortable for me, which was the listener. My books were my playmates.

I developed the attitude of PEACEMAKER. Don’t rock the boat.   I listened.

I went to college. Got a degree in Psychology because of course I had a good listening ear.   Still tried to keep the peace wherever I lived.

Eventually I got married and had two wonderful children.

I believe the listening ear, and enjoying books, eventually lead me to Love and Serve God  the way I do now.

God is so wonderful. He wants  relationship. He is not satisfied with a  GOOD GIRL servant.

I was unaware I lived under the Good Girl label. emily p. freeman’s book grace for the GOOD GIRL  revealed the  masks I picked for protection  😦 Peacemaker, People-pleasing, looking for the smiles, Don’t rock the boat.

God’s love for me is constantly revealing His Care. Even at my age,  He still  says “Let’s dance a new dance”.   Slowly, lovingly He is working  through my life, peeling  off  protective layers. Living in grace is not always keeping my mouth shut. If I keep quiet out of fear I will be rejected, I’m telling the person in the mirror, I’m not important.

God says “No. Come and play.

If I say no to a request, am  I still a good person? Am I  still liked and needed?

Saying yes to jobs from a distorted fear can be tiring. Good girls may feel a need respond out of duty. How does one tell  the difference between the good girl who is doing the right thing  in fear of rejection and the the one who is responding out of grace? The actions can be the exact same thing. Answer-Motivation.  In this quote  from emily’s book, she gives a description revealing when walking in and through God’s Grace.= “Good girls see Jesus as someone to copy. Free women listen to the voice of his Spirit who dwells inside us”.

I am the older daughter finding her identity and freedom in Christ. It is not what I do. It is what Jesus did. I am justified through the faithfulness of Christ¹

The reality of this Grace pouring in me is a Life Long Dance.

                                                              I can bloom!



What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn’t work. So I quit being a “law man” so that I could be God’s man. Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

Galatians 2:20 MSG

Questions and comments are always welcome. We are all on this journey together.  I’m not completely finished, but I like what I see in the mirror.


1 Reference to message given at Duluth Vineyard  GOOD NEWS ABOUT FREEDOM May 28-29, 2016.