beautiful, dangerous, crazy
Sidney with her boyfriend Tad flew to the big city as fast as the red convertible would go. Gears shifting, Top down, Music loud, Wind blowing in their hair. Looking out for a state trouper, other wise no cares, no concerns, full of crazy.
The next few months were tumultuous . Tad pulled Sidney and the money through the high of highs. Parties, Cool People.Fantastic Food, And of course only the hottest clothes for Sidney. A wild and crazy lifestyle Sidney never before had imagined. ——-
Sidney’s family memories, words once said, were pushed down deep. Choices were not the best for her body, soul and mind, but she didn’t care. If a brief conflicting thought entered Sidney’s mind, she’d shake her head vigorously. Possibly it would shake right out. She didn’t want to care. Tad made her feel alive. This was fun. It covered the pain. That’s what counted. That’s all that counted in this world. Cover the pain.
Time flew with hard fast fun and no end in sight.
A creepy shadowy overcast started to color the air. Tad was gone with the car. His eyes didn’t meet hers when they talked. Sidney knew the money from the trust fund was beginning to run low.
Trying to meet rental needs and keep the other “necessities coming in, Sidney took it upon herself to sell the beautiful dresses and gowns at the pawn shop. Painfully each week she watched her closet become less colorful as she exchanged the clothes for money.
“Tad will appreciate this, I know he will. We’ll get these back somehow”, Sidney kept telling herself.
Time dragged on with no improvement. It got worse. Tad and Sidney moved to a one room shabby apartment. The shower was shared with other tenants. Tad made sure the drugs were supplied. First the drugs, then gas for the car. Any money left over went for food.
Tad seemed edgy, more angry. Sidney thought it was due to the quality of drugs. She wondered if he was planning something too but wouldn’t let her in on the secret. That was OK. Sidney would trust him . What else could she do?
Sidney trusted Tad until that last night!
Tad brought a man to the apartment. Tad told Sidney they needed money. This guy was a friend. All she had to do was have a little fun with him, do what he wanted with her. The guy would pay them 100 bucks.
Sidney couldn’t believe her ears. Tad’s eyes were empty and cruel. He asked her what was the big deal. Just do it and get it over with.
Sidney stood up and walked right over to Tad. With all the rage in her body, she slapped his face. Then without a plan, she grabbed her purse with the extra set of keys. Sidney couldn’t say anything as she headed to the car. Internally battered and broken, the younger daughter walked out the door.
Sitting in the car, Sidney silently prayed, “Please dear God, make sure there is enough gas to get me home. I treated Mother like dirt. I don’t deserve to live in the main house . I could fix up the old servant’s building. I could work at the house as a maid. At least I would be close. I could see her sweet face. Hear her gentle voice.”
Sidney drove straight to Mother’s driveway. She turned off the ignition. Sidney pulled the wool blanket from the trunk to surround her poor, tired, helpless body. In tears , she wept, “I am so sorry God. Please forgive me. Please , I really need Your help. In Jesus Name. Amen.” With that, she felt gentle arms surround the blanket as if she were being held and rocked to sleep.
End of Part Two
Sidney couldn’t understand why her father had to die. Even with Mother’s love, unless she was willing to ask the hard questions to pursue the answers, the pain kept coming up somehow wanting relief. It demanded relief.
God made us so His grace is the relief for pain.
What pain is crying out for God’s Grace to touch and bring relief in your life?
How does this play out in the Good Girl’s life? Sara is good. She does everything right. Plus doesn’t she have everyone’s smiles and acceptance? Surely she already has peace. Part III enters into her reality.
If you have any comments or would like to ask questions, I would be glad to talk with you.
Thanks again to the book grace for the GOOD GIRL by Emily P. Freeman. While reading the book, I came up with the idea for this short story.