Worship, Create, Dream

Be free to Worship God. Create with abandonement because He is the Creator. Let's discover our Dreams together.


2 Comments

DOES GOD LOVE THE GOOD GIRL III?

 

Welcome

Sidney stiffly crawled out of the car. Her legs slowly made it up the long driveway. A huge  front door stood before her.  As Sidney reached for the wooden knocker, her eyes went to a blue metallic WELCOME sign.

“Had this sign always been here?” Sidney wondered, ” Possibly. It was never  a part of my life. Not until now. Thank You God. I feel Welcomed.”

Still a bit hesitant, she wondered if she should knock or ring the bell. The answer was made for her as Mother almost knocked her down. The two stood motionless.  Silence.

“Mother,” Sidney broke the quiet with a stammering voice, “I can’t just move back  and live as your daughter. The trust fund is gone. I did horrid things. Please forgive me. Would you allow me to  live in the servant’s house? I could work as a maid or something. Anything to be close to home, close to you. ”

Words poured out through tears .

Mother looked straight into Sidney’s eyes. “You’ve  never left my heart my daughter.”

From the second story window Sara saw these two in their encounter. ” Well, isn’t this pretty? It won’t last long. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces, as always. That other daughter will  cause pain and leave. For now, I will  just be quiet and do what makes everyone smile.”

That’s what made people glad Sara was around. Why  was Sara not happy she was around?

“I’m going for a walk around the lake. Yeah, as if anyone cared.” Sara kept negative thoughts to herself. A Good Girl never dares to speak them out loud. If the words aren’t heard, maybe they don’t really exist?

As Sara  pulled the door shut,  she saw the blue metallic WELCOME sign. This same sign she saw every day she entered and left the house. Welcome

“Had this sign always been here?” Sara wondered. “Possibly. It was never a part of my life.”

Turning, Sara walked down the stairs to the lake.

 

Weeks went into planning a huge, festive return party for Sidney.  The house became joyful. A celebration like none the neighborhood had seen before. Everyone around the lake was invited.

The invitations didn’t stop there. Sidney’s painful experience in the city brought a keen awareness to the abuse felt by the women in the shelter. She extended invitations to these women feeling safe enough t0 venture to Sidney’s home.

Sidney recognized the love and grace God extended to her as one so very undeserving. With the love she received, she wanted to share.

Sara wanted to yank down every streamer. The “Good Girl” inside kept those actions at bay.  Sara was very cool concerning all the party  preparations. The regular activities of the household, needed  continue. Sara gladly busied herself with those mundane jobs.

“This is a big show. The party will eventually come to a close. Money will be GONE. I will be left handling all the loose ends. In fact,  I will probably need to  be in charge of cleaning up after the thing is over. It will make people smile. It will make people glade for Servant Sara.” Sara  kept these thoughts to herself.

The day of the party arrived. The sun was shining. The day was beautiful.  Mother and Sidney were on the front lawn. Arm in arm, they walked around greeting the guests.

Sara stood glaring from the same second story window. “This makes me sick. Walking around, new clothes, smiling as though they are the best of friends. How can that daughter do something so full of lies? WRONG.”  Each word came out with a spit.

“God ,” this was not said in a gentle tone. Rather one demanding rights.”I have been obedient. I do all the right things You ask and Mother asks. This is not fare. This is not just.”

Dialing Mother’s cell phone, Sara leaves a text to meet her in the den . Please come in one half hour .

Sara asks a simple table of coffee and biscuits be prepared. No need to be rude. Sara sat  in the den waiting .

Mother opens the sliding door a little past the half hour but not much. Her face flushed with excitement from the party. Seeing Sara’s face, she knows  it is time.

“Please take a seat Mother. We need to talk. I’m afraid two very important things are amiss here.  One, this daughter of yours has been very rude. To the family name, to herself, to the money. Not to mention to you.  I’m fearful for you.  She’s  going to use you up again, leave and, well  you know I’ll be here to pick up the pieces”

These word come out out short and terse. There was no care or fondness left in Sara. .

“With all the evil she did, you throw a huge party for her. I have been here, taking care of you, doing EVERYTHING I am called to do. EVERYTHING!!! And more.”

Now the words are more deliberate with just a hint of the pain.

“What do I get in return? Nothing. Not even  a movie night with a few of my friends.”

Mother slowly rose and brought her chair close to Sara. Sara’s body stiffened. Reaching her arm around Sara, Mother knows this will be a long hard battle for Sara. Just as the wild girl was a safe way to cover the pain for Sidney, the good girl is a safe way to cover the pain for Sara.

At the end of the prodigal story, the father told the older son:

                        You’re with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours(Luke 15 31 MSG)

Mother had first hand knowledge concerning the grace God poured out so  willing on all wounds and pain. Until both girls were willing to drop the covers and receive that love, they would use whatever tools necessary to cover their pain, to live, to survive.

The story is finished, but is the story finished? It is hard  for Sara to know she is loved. God Loves the Good Girl. Does the Good Girl know she is love by God?

Thoughts, questions, comments,  We are on this journey together.  🙂


I need to acknowledge again my gratitude to emily p. freeman and her book : grace for the GOOD GIRL.  It gave me ideas to be able to write this short story.

Advertisements


Leave a comment

DOES GOD LOVE THE GOOD GIRL II?

 

IMG_2269

                                                          beautiful, dangerous, crazy

Sidney with her boyfriend Tad flew to the big city as fast as the red convertible would go. Gears shifting, Top down, Music loud, Wind blowing in their hair. Looking out  for a state trouper, other wise no cares, no concerns,  full of crazy.

The next few months were tumultuous . Tad pulled Sidney and the money through the high of highs.  Parties, Cool People.Fantastic Food,  And of course only the hottest clothes for Sidney. A wild and crazy lifestyle Sidney never before had imagined.  ——-

Sidney’s family memories, words once said, were pushed down deep. Choices were  not the best for her body, soul and mind, but she didn’t care. If a brief conflicting thought entered Sidney’s mind, she’d shake her head vigorously. Possibly it would shake right out.  She didn’t want to care. Tad made her feel alive. This was fun.  It covered the pain. That’s  what counted. That’s all that counted in this world. Cover the pain.

Time  flew with hard fast fun and no end in sight.

A creepy shadowy  overcast started to color the air. Tad was gone with the car. His eyes didn’t meet hers when they talked.  Sidney knew the money from the trust fund was beginning to run low.

Trying to meet rental needs and keep the other “necessities coming in, Sidney took it upon herself to sell the beautiful dresses and gowns at the pawn shop. Painfully each week she watched her closet become less colorful as she exchanged the clothes for money.

“Tad will appreciate this, I know he will. We’ll get these back somehow”, Sidney kept telling herself.

Time dragged on with no improvement. It got worse.  Tad and Sidney moved to a one room shabby apartment. The shower was shared with other tenants.  Tad made sure the drugs were supplied.  First the drugs, then gas for the car. Any money left over went for food.

Tad seemed edgy, more angry. Sidney thought it was due to the quality  of drugs.  She wondered if he was planning something too but wouldn’t let her in on the secret. That was OK. Sidney would  trust him . What else could she do?

Sidney trusted Tad until that last night!

Tad brought a man to the apartment. Tad told Sidney they needed money. This guy was a friend. All she had to do was have a little fun with him, do what he wanted with her.  The guy would pay them 100 bucks.

WHAT!!!!!!!

Sidney couldn’t believe her ears.  Tad’s eyes were empty and cruel. He asked  her  what was the big deal.  Just do it and get it over with.

Sidney stood up and walked right over to Tad. With all the rage in her body, she slapped his face. Then without a plan, she  grabbed her purse with the extra set of keys.  Sidney  couldn’t say anything as she headed to the car.  Internally battered and broken, the younger daughter  walked out the door.

Sitting in the car, Sidney silently prayed, “Please dear God, make sure there is enough gas to get me home. I treated Mother like dirt.  I don’t deserve to live in the main house . I could fix up the old servant’s building. I could  work at the house as a maid.  At least I would be close. I could see her sweet face. Hear her gentle voice.”

Sidney drove straight to Mother’s driveway. She turned off the ignition. Sidney pulled the wool blanket from the trunk to surround her poor, tired, helpless body. In tears , she wept,  “I am so sorry God. Please forgive me. Please , I really need Your help. In Jesus Name. Amen.”  With that, she felt gentle arms surround the blanket as if she were being held and rocked to sleep.

 

IMG_0103

                                                                      PEACE!!!

End of Part Two

Sidney couldn’t understand why her father had to die. Even with Mother’s love, unless she was willing to ask the hard questions to pursue the answers, the pain  kept coming up somehow wanting relief. It demanded relief.

God made us so His grace is the relief for pain.

What pain is crying out for God’s Grace to touch and bring relief in your life?

How does this play out in the Good Girl’s life? Sara is good. She does everything right. Plus doesn’t she have everyone’s smiles and acceptance? Surely she already has peace.  Part III  enters into her reality.

If you have any comments or would like to ask questions, I would be glad to talk with you.


Thanks again to the book grace for the GOOD GIRL  by Emily P. Freeman. While reading the book, I came up with the idea for this short story.


1 Comment

Does God Love the Good Girl?

Very odd question?

IMG_0905IMG_0862

IMG_0480IMG_0378

These photos have their own unique qualities.

The top ones- peaceful, calm, tranquil.

The bottom ones – exciting , dangerous, vigorous.

Which one has a greater appeal to you? There is no right or wrong answer. It is what it is.

The photos might represent our stories as well.

Peaceful,tranquil, no waves, (obedient).

Wild, crazy, crashing (disobedient).

Both stories can be very lonely. The WILD story may come to the realization she is in deep need of love. Her crazy life is dynamically  filled with loose threads attached to nowhere. Her emptiness causes a realization. It is the need to search for a true love which will meet her every want. She recognizes the reality of God’s grace as she runs into His arms.

The TRANQUIL story has a deep unknown need, even to herself. It has no label until it is made known to her. Her need is just as deep as one in the WILD story.

Following is a slightly adjusted modern day parable of the Prodigal Son. With whom do you best identify?

A single mother with two daughters.  Father passed away  years ago. Mother comes from a prestigious law firm family who gladly welcomed her back to her per-marital position.  Finances were no problem. Mother loved her daughters very much. Work never comes before the needs of her girls though.  She is a good example of love, strength, peace joy.

Sara the elder daughter is the “good girl”. When her father died, she had many questions. She had deep pain. Sara saw her mother cry. As Sara put her arm around Mother, it brought comfort, made Mother feel better.  So instead of talking about her own pain, Sara would listen. Sara would do the household jobs asked of her the first time. That would bring smiles from everyone.  This covered  over questions, pain inside Sara.  Value came by listening and receiving the “good girl” smiles from everyone. Everyone except the person in the mirror.

Sidney is the youngest daughter. Her wild side made people know she was not happy when her father died. She cried long and hard. Who cared if her jobs got done? Mother had long talks with Sidney about life – drugs, smoking , boys and sex. (the consequences on your body , heart and soul when you act as if you don’t care). Sidney didn’t care. The pain in her heart was deep. She was going to cover it somehow. Besides, these things were fun.

Sara and Sidney knew their father  set aside  money in a trust fund.  This was to help pay for continuing higher education or starting a business. The money was to be withdrawn for that specific need and age. Not before.

As a “good girl” wanting to please, this was fine with Sara. Not the one to make waves because it always made people smile Sara went along with this choice for her life. She lived at  home. Classes were taken at the state university. Upon finishing her B.A., Sara  pursued pre- law. Did she really want to be a lawyer?  It made her mom smile  with the news.   Every one around Sara said she was a good listener.

Sidney barely finished high school. After one year at the local technical school, taking a few business classes,  she said “FORGET THIS MESS.”  Sidney went to Mother and demanded her trust fund half.   No way was she going to stay in this town.  It is too boring.

In pain, Mother went to the bank. With open hands, and open heart, she gave the funds over to Sidney. Sidney’s present boyfriend was in the car. Without even a kiss goodbye, Sidney drove off.

Sara looked out the second story window watching the car tear down the driveway. She c0uld hear the laughter sailing from the top down convertible.  Two care free people sailing off to their adventure.  Sadness crossed Sara’s mind. A very small seed  entered her heart. This seed was so tiny, Sara would not dare to claim it existed. It would put a crimp on her “good girl ” label. The seed was a combination of two deadly sins to a “good girl’s” life. Envy and bitterness.

Sara did not allow  any recognition of these feelings. Instead, her primary thoughts, her need was to seek out Mother. How could  Sara comfort Mother?  Sara would do  what “good girls ” always do. Forget they feel inside  to meet the needs of others.

This is part one of the story.  Sidney goes out to have fun. Sara stays. Both make choices.  Who do you identify with?

The tranquil waters are obedient. But REALLY?

Is she any different than the raging waters?

Have either one yet come to terms with their father’s death?

Can you identify at all with Sara? What is she lacking?

Feel free to leave comments or questions.


Ideas were taken from grace for the GOOD GIRL by Emily P. Freeman. Thank you so much