It was suggested by one of the Creative Arts leaders in our church to have members write stories how God has brought them from Darkness into Light during the Lenten Season. This is an extended portion of what I shared.
I walked into darkness seriously questioning if I was walking any longer. I did not start in darkness. My words of encouragement are: Even when you don’t feel it, even if you do not go anywhere in the darkness hold on!
My early and middle time of meditation through this Lenten season was not a joyous period. In fact, I seriously questioned if I was in God’s hand at all. I could not write which was emotionally painful. Creatives all around me were exploding in many areas. I was in the dark. The meditations and scriptures I kept reading on a daily basis were as flat as pancakes. I kept taking in with nothing grabbing me, to speaking to my soul. Nothing sticking inside long enough to carry me through the whole day. With nothing sticking, I had nothing to give out. I felt very irritable and angry. I kept asking God “Why Why was this happening to me,? Was this going to end?”
In the midst of this emotional drama I was struck with a virus that lasted for a couple of weeks. It was painful. I did not see a glimmer of light even though I continued to faithfully pursue God through the Lenten Meditations.
I looked out my window. I saw leafless branches crisscrossing in front of the sky. The blue was visible.
Normally I like trees. This time the trees were taunting me reflecting the example of the something just standing in the way of clarity. That is exactly how my brain felt.
The time of revelation, the time to walk into light was not happening. Was this form of worship my creative writing being taken from me? I was empty.
In a time of emptiness, when all the walls around me are closing in, the hopeless statements are around all the time. I went day by day with no gift to give, still searching to God for the release.
I remember sitting on the couch one day, looking out the same long window as before while in the middle of all the confusion and pain. I was met in my loneliness. I was completely empty and that is when God came.
God asked me to take a step into a deeper walk with my Him when the top layer of life does not seem smooth. Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls; PS 42:7. The waterfalls are loud, no other sound can be heard,
but as I cry out, God hears me and His response is, ”Will you choose to walk with me Sandi when I ask you too ?”
God takes the hand reaching out to Him, taking on a journey beyond your control if you are willing to trust. In opening myself to God, He shared a portion of His heart with me.
On the Thursday night before He was dragged out of the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus made a phenomenal decision. He said to His Father, “Not my will but yours”.
For a very long time, I thought this meant “Yes” to the pain and suffering, false accusations, etc. It meant this and more. Jesus agreed to accept the terms of the contract made long ago and abide by it.
This contract decreed Jesus not only experience the pain as the pure, unblemished sacrificial lamb on the cross in our place. It was the pain to the separation we need not experience. Jesus walked into the darkness. Father could not look on His Son for the first time because the Son was taking on all of eternities filth, crime, horror, and sin. This was by choice. Jesus love for us. God’s Love for us.
This was the first time in Eternity Father/Son who had never known a break in their Love their intimate connection would experience a separation. They were willing to experience a darkness as nothing imaginable because they did not want us to know eternity without the opportunity to know TRUE ETERNAL LOVE.
Jesus, did not flinch, did not hold a grudge, did not hold anger toward us as He was receiving each and every hate filled accusation of being a blasphemer. Each blow, spit or nail pounded into his flesh was not returned with an outcry of resentment. Jesus looked at His accusers from the past, the present and into the future which includes you and me with love, forgiveness and hope because this is where the restitution of eternal intimacy between God and His children began. Finally no more barriers on God’s End.
For a brief moment in time the closest intimate relationship was severed. This was by choice. This was by love. This was because the love for me was deeper. The break was intense. The break was severe. The break caused purification so I would not be separated from my Heavenly Father who truly loves me. The break abolished any lasting ties that Satan had over me.
This is the freedom bought for me. I don’t always walk in it. I don’t always hear it. That does discount it being a fact and truth.. This love is far greater than anyone can ever imagine.
God opened to me in my thread of emptiness the truth of my freedom to worship God with no barriers now and forever.
The Father/Son hand is always extended to me. They know my heart’s desire is to take me deeper into their love no matter the cost. I am glad they take me at my word. They do not leave me. Rather they are persistently willing to take off layers so I can see.
I received a dark to light gift. It is not for me alone. Take into your hearts the love the Father and Son have for you. They were willing to allow a break of their intense Holy Love because of their love for me- for you.